45 Good Roasts That Hurt

Ever needed the perfect zinger to roast someone, but came up empty? Don’t worry – we’ve got you. Here are 45 good roasts that hurt (in the best way). These burns are fresh, funny, and categorized so you can find the right vibe – whether you want a clean roast for a friend, a savage roast for that one frenemy, a biting fat joke, or a dirty one-liner that pushes the envelope. We’ve even thrown in tips on when to use each roast (because timing is everything). From school halls to Reddit threads, everyone loves a good roast – just make sure your target can handle the heat! Now, get ready to own the conversation with these brutal comebacks.

Clean but Savage Roasts (PG-Friendly Burns)

Not every roast needs to be vulgar to land a blow. These clean roasts keep it respectful(ish) and profanity-free, ideal for roasting close friends or family in a light-hearted way. (Use these when you want to make someone laugh without crossing a line.)

1. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” – Perfect for that friend who’s confidently incorrect about everything.
2. “You’re like the cloud on a sunny day – no one’s happy to see you.” – A gentle burn for the perpetual buzzkill in the group.
3. “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.” – Use this when someone accuses you of being mean – it doubles as a comeback!
4. “If being clueless was a superpower, you’d be the hero of your own comic.” – Great for the lovable dope among your friends.
5. “You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?” – A roast that stings, yet sounds almost polite.
6. “Your jokes hit like a butterfly – all flutter, no sting.” – For the buddy who thinks they’re hilarious (but we know better).
7. “Out of 100 reasons why I don’t listen to you, #1 is: I can’t even.” – When their talk is so pointless you won’t bother with reasons 2 through 100.
8. “I treasure the time not spent hearing you speak.” – A fancy way to tell someone you enjoy them… in silence.
9. “You’re proof that common sense isn’t all that common.” – Old adage, but still effective for the chronically foolish.
10. “Thank you for explaining that. I love stories of adventure.” – Sarcasm level 100 – use when someone states the obvious.

These clean roasts are safe for work or family gatherings, delivering the burn while keeping things civil. They show that you don’t need to swear or get dirty to roast someone – a sharp wit and a bit of sarcasm do the trick.

Savage Roasts (No Mercy Allowed)

Ready to unleash the savage roasts? These are the brutal burns that hit hard and leave a mark. Save them for when you want to utterly roast someone (and you’re sure they can laugh it off). The tone here is edgier and downright merciless. (Use with caution – these can really hurt feelings if used on the wrong person!)

11. “I’d love to see things from your perspective, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my butt.” – For those acting extremely full of themselves – this one will shock and amuse.
12. “You’re not completely useless… you can always serve as a bad example.” – When someone’s failure is only good for a life lesson in what not to do.
13. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.” – A classic savage line – essentially calling them blissfully dumb with a smile.
14. “I’m amazed by how consistently you manage to disappoint.” – For that person who never fails to fail.
15. “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.” – Ouch! A roast best reserved for someone who’s really been asking for it.
16. “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.” – Imply they rank with garbage – absolutely savage.
17. “The last time I saw something like you, I was flushing it.” – About as harsh as it gets – definitely an enemies-only insult.
18. “Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.” – A witty way to call someone a waste of resources.
19. “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid.” – Twist the Miranda rights into a roast for the chronically dumb.
20. “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I think you’d just annoy Satan.” – Implying they’re too irritating even for the devil – a top-tier savage burn.

These savage roasts are brutal. They’re the kind of insults you might see in a heated Reddit roast battle or when friends playfully try to one-up each other. Always gauge your audience – a 100 savage roasts list might be fun to read, but using even one of them on the wrong person could end a friendship. Choose wisely!

Hilariously Harsh “Fat” Roasts (Weight-Related Zingers)

Sometimes, roast battles veer into physical appearance. If you’re among friends who joke about size (and only if you’re absolutely sure it’s in good fun!), these fat roasts pack a punch. They’re cruel, yes, but we’ve kept them more clever than plain nasty. (Use extremely carefully – weight is a sensitive topic!)

21. “I’m not saying you’re fat, but if I had to name five of the biggest people I know, you’d be three of them.” – A convoluted way to call someone huge — definitely hurts, so only among close friends who joke about weight.
22. “The only exercise you get is running your mouth.” – Insinuates someone’s out of shape except for their gossip muscle. A roast for the chatty and chubby.
23. “You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.” – A tongue-in-cheek “compliment” that softens the blow (sort of). Delivers the message with a sly grin.
24. “I would roast you about your weight, but I see it’s already a heavy topic.” – Wordplay! Use this when someone teases themselves about their weight and you reply with this playful pun.
25. “They say abs are made in the kitchen – maybe stay out of the kitchen for a bit.” – A roast best used among fitness buddies who can handle the diet jab.

“Fat” jokes are classic but very risky. Even the best of friends can take offense, so deploy these only if the person has made it clear they’re comfortable joking about it. (When in doubt, skip the fat jokes – a great roast doesn’t have to target someone’s looks or size. There are plenty of other ways to burn someone!)

Dirty One-Liner Roasts (Adult Audience)

Now for some dirty one-liners – spicy, edgy comebacks that aren’t for polite company. These roasts might include crude humor, mild profanity, or adult innuendo. They’re perfect for roasting your buddies in a bar or an online game chat, but definitely not for family dinner. (Use when the crowd is adult and no one will clutch their pearls at a little vulgarity.)

26. “I’d call you a tool, but that would imply you’re actually useful.” – A bit of bite without any curse words – still, it’s a dirty insult for someone who’s being a real tool.
27. “Your face is fine, but we really need to work on your personality – maybe a condom for your mouth?” – Suggests everything that comes out of their mouth is garbage. Raunchy and rude.
28. “If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.” – Crass? Yes. Effective? Also yes. This one’s a mic-drop in the right crowd (and it rhymes, bonus!).
29. “You’re living proof that sperm can donate themselves to science.” – A very edgy way to say someone is a failed experiment. Not for the faint of heart.
30. “The only reason you’d get laid is if you crawled up a chicken’s butt and waited.” – Absurd and vulgar – an infamous dirty roast (use it on that one friend who loves gross humor).
31. “Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast? Because you’ve been serving it all day.” – Implying someone’s dishing out stupidity nonstop – a bit dirty, a bit funny.
32. “I’m not saying you’re slutty, but you’ve got more stories than Pornhub.” – A roast targeting someone’s wild escapades; definitely adults-only content.
33. “If stupidity were a STD, you’d be positive.” – A clever twist mixing insult with an STI reference. Harsh and very adult.
34. “Your gene pool could use a lifeguard.” – Suggests their whole family line is a mess. It’s a classic roast line dressed up for a dirty section (implies some shallow gene pool humor).
35. “I’d slap you, but I don’t want to waste good lube on my hand first.” – Extremely edgy and suggestive. Only for roast battle pros who know their audience can handle it.

These dirty roasts are outrageously bold. They’re the kind of insults you might see on an R-rated comedy show or deep in a 45 good roasts that hurt (dirty one-liners) Reddit thread. Remember: context is key. What flies at a bachelor party or among college roommates would be a disaster in the wrong setting. Know your crowd, then roast away!

READ: What Does “GG” Mean And Should You Say It?

Roasts for Boys (Bro-to-Bro Insults)

When guys roast each other, it often hits different. This category is all about roasts for boys – whether it’s your buddy, your brother, or that dude in your class. These tend to involve jabs at toughness, skill, or stereotypical “guy” stuff (sports, gaming, etc.). They’re mostly clean-ish, but packed with bro-bantery sting. (Use these to rib your guy friends – they’ll hurt so good.)

36. “I’d make a joke about your balls, but I see you’ve got none – you couldn’t even ask for extra ketchup at McDonald’s.” – Challenges a guy’s courage in a teasing way. Great for the timid friend.
37. “Bro, even Google can’t find your sense of direction.” – For that friend who refuses to ask for directions (had to throw in a stereotype!). Fits boys who get lost everywhere, in life or on maps.
38. “You play sports like every coach you’ve had was a prankster.” – Implying they’ve been taught all the wrong moves. A solid roast on a guy’s athletic skills (or lack thereof).
39. “The only thing you’ve ever scored is a high ping in online games.” – Perfect for the gamer friend who talks big but lags (literally and figuratively).
40. “You have the body of a strong man – shame it’s stuck in permanent loading screen.” – Techie twist: suggests he could be buff, but it’s just not happening (like a game that never finishes loading).
41. “Is that your new hairstyle or did a lawnmower attack you?” – A classic friend-to-friend roast. Best used when your buddy shows up with a questionably bad haircut.
42. “Congratulations on evolving from annoying little boy to… annoying little boy with facial hair.” – Roasting a guy who thinks he’s grown-up just because he’s got some scruff. Great for teen friend groups.
43. “You’ll never be the man your mom is.” – Absurd, flips the script and roasts their manliness in a roundabout way. A bit surreal, sure to get laughs from onlookers.
44. “If brain cells were touchdowns, you’d still be waiting on your first down.” – Mixes sports insult with calling him dumb. Ideal for that friend who’s obsessed with football but isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
45. “Your pickup lines hurt more than your punches – and that’s saying something.” – For the guy who’s bad at flirting and fighting. A roast of both his game and his punch power.

Roasting is more than just throwing shade—it’s about timing, confidence, and knowing your audience. With these 45 good roasts that hurt just right, you’ve now got a comeback for any situation. From clean burns to dirty one-liners, each roast is built to land laughs and turn heads. Just remember: the best roast doesn’t silence the room—it makes everyone erupt in laughter. Stay sharp, roast smart, and let the good burns roll.